People Skills
Eye Contact - Listening - Feedback
Feedback is simply our experience of someone or something in words. An example would be speaking the truth from our heart. The only person that can have our experience is us. Expressing that experience is not always easy to do. Most people avoid speaking from their heart because of rejection or being made wrong. However, when someone does give feedback then, remember it is just their experience of us. It is up to us to receive it or reject it. If more than 2 or 3 people give you the same feedback, it is time to receive it.
Feedback is not right or wrong, good or bad, it is just feedback. It is not assessment. The difference being, assessment comes from beliefs we already have about someone or something. Assessment is about the past and past beliefs, where as, feedback is always stated in the present, in the moment of the experience.
Example: An assessment would be racism. Although the people you do not like have never met you or interacted with you in any way, you believe you do not like them or even hate them because you have assessed them to fit your beliefs. Assessment is tied to your feelings and your emotions as in all beliefs. They make no sense and cannot be justified, but yet they can run your life. Assessment is an indicator of who you are, not who someone else is. Once you have assessed a person they are stuck in that assessment, no matter what they do, until you decide to change your beliefs about them.
Feedback would be stating your experience of a person after they have interacted with you or with someone else. Feedback is stated in words such as, caring, loving, giving, etc. These are words that express what you experience in someone else and not how you personally feel in the moment. You can have a lousy day and still see caring in a person because it is not about you.
Self-assessment removes the possibility of change. People do not change because they want to. People change because they have to. Everyone knows that it is always the other person that needs to change. We are perfect just the way we are and therefore, why should we change. We believe there is nothing wrong with us. However, in reality we do understand that the only constant in all of our Relationships is us. If we keep on waiting to meet the right person to make our lives better, happier, or more peaceful, then we need to know that person will never come. That perfect person is an illusion, a dream.
The problem is in us and the solution lies in building healthy Relationships with other people. "Confess your trespasses to one another, and pray for one another, that you may be healed" (James 5:16 ). God forgives us when we repent, but our healing comes from fellowship with other people. Our change comes in Relationships with other Christians because they can give us the needed feedback and love we require to transform and renew our minds.
Feedback is one of the three people skills required to build healthy trusting Relationships. The other two are EYE CONTACT and LISTENING. Eye contact is looking directly at someone's eyes, so they know you are focused on them. Eye contact is not "staring." You stare to make someone look away or at us to get their attention. Staring is about you and eye contact is about the other person. Our eyes are truly the windows to our souls.
I'll only say this about listening, it requires our mouths to be shut and our attention to be on the person talking. If you are thinking of your reply, then you are not listening. Listening takes practice and patience. Listening helps us to take authority over our thoughts (II Corinthians 10:3-6). All three people skills are taught, discussed and experienced in the Leadership Through Personal Awareness Seminar/Workshop.
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